The Enormous Personal Cost of Caring as a Professional

There is no doubt that there is an enormous personal cost of caring in various industries. Most People who work in the “care industry” (Educators, Nurses, doctors, coaches etc.) actually didn’t sign up to care. Most signed up to fulfill a very specific job description amongst which caring (not physically) is not even listed.

I know this might sounds controversial but be patient with me as I explain this idea. For the sake of this article, my definition of care is the following: the process of protecting someone or something and providing what that person needs.

The job description that people are hired to do in these industries lists a series of duties that must be accomplished daily to complete their role. Most include details about the physical well being of those in care but rarely mention the importance of looking after mental well being. There is no quantifiable measurement of how much someone cares at work and it is not actually part of the job. Yet, as a society we have come to expect that people in these roles will care. If they don’t show compassion, empathy and understanding we usually deem them to be terrible at their job.

Professionals Are Expected to Care

Who has not herd comments like, “that doctor could have been a little more sensitive about delivering the news,” or “my kids teacher didn’t do anything while he was being bullied, he just didn’t care.” As a society we have decided that because the predisposition of the people working in these industries is usually to care that necessarily that is the base expectation.

Nevertheless, a doctor or a nurse could be very effective at their job without being kind and personable. Regardless, I think we can all agree that we prefer for people in the care industry to “care.” I would rather a nice kind nurse who makes me smile while she does my blood work than a dreadfully tired impatient nurse who is there just to draw blood.

There is no shame in wanting the people who are responsible for vulnerable populations to care. The issue comes in the lack of recognition, and compensation for this skill that we have come to expect. If we want our professionals to care than the personal cost of caring has to be considered and compensated as part of the crucial roles of the job.

An Industry that Relies On The Need to Care to Function

Since these industries often attract people who naturally care there is no need to include it in the job description. We can just assume that caring people will naturally gravitate towards these jobs. If this skill is included in the job description than accommodations must be made for it to be prioritized. Again something that is clearly not possible. The personal cost of caring is rarely if ever factored into the equation.

I worked previously with people who wanted to become coaches. They had all the proper skills to do the job, their ability to demonstrate and explain skills was accurate but something was visibly missing. It took me some time to realize that they didn’t seem to care about the progress of their athletes. I realized that although they could be effective coaches, without caring, they could never be great. Caring is the glue that makes the difference between a good worker and an incredible one in these roles.

The Personal Cost of Caring Contributes to Burn Out Rates

I strongly believe that caring severely contributes to the burn out rate in these professions. Not only is it expected and not recognized but the cost of caring is expensive in ones personal life.

I was a bit of a stereotypical version of this. I burned myself out by caring too much. The teachers in the building who didn’t care as much and were less effective at building relationships with kids didn’t care enough to burn out. I was not hired to care but to teach. Nonetheless, caring got in the way of me doing my actual job more than once.

After returning from sick leave I was greeted by the rather more “jaded” teachers and told “welcome to the club.” That’s when I found out that most of my colleagues had been there and done that. Some multiple times. The personal cost of caring was simply too heavy to carry. I finally understood that what I had judged to be disinterest was actually a defense mechanism against caring too much.

An Impossible Choice

Why are teachers and nurses leaving the profession? It is not because they don’t care anymore. Probably quite the opposite, they care too much.

In an industry where care is expected but not prioritized or recognized we put the burden on the professionals personally. This leaves the workers one of two options: Care as much as possible with what is available, or stop caring altogether and just do the job they were hired to do. Either way as a society we are loosing. We are loosing the human connections. We are loosing an important opportunity to connect and grow as a society. And we irratating the natural disposition of our most caring workers by exposing them to many unmet needs. Anyone who cares will be affected by a patient or student whos needs are not met.

Lack of Recognition

When we talk about recognition for these professions, we don’t mean tell them they “make a difference,” or are “heroes.” There needs to be more recognition of the actual invisible demands of the job. These demands that are not being recognized but are expected.

Everyone knows a teacher that seems to have super human powers. Where do they get all that patience and energy from to deal with kids, parents and administrators everyday? Working with people everyday who rely on them to “care” for them first and then teach, support, diagnose or bandage them requires subhuman patience. But in addition to struggling to get through the day with a lack of resources, they also need to find the strength to care for and support their loved ones once they are drained by their job.

The Personal cost of Caring affects Workers Personal Lives

Caring in these industries is an invisible task. It is expected but not compensated. It is a habit that costs the people in these industries tremendously in and outside the work place.

Most professionals have families, and other care roles outside of their work. They have elderly or sicks family, teams they coach, friends with trauma and difficulties. They need to have mental space and care currency left to handle the demands of life.

Care Services are Hard to Quantify Making them Easy To Trim

I have so much respect for teachers, even more now that I left the profession. I can tell you first hand how hard their job is. When cut backs happen in education to professional supports like psychologists, nurses, social workers and drug consolers, the burden of what these professionals use to handle doesn’t disappear when the professionals leave.

Instead it requires that someone else pick up the slack and those are often the most caring of teachers. That is an unfair burden that we place on teachers because we take for granted that they care. Teachers will carry that load for as long as they can but it is not sustainable. They carry the load because they see the need and they care. Nonetheless, eventually teachers get sick and burn out. They will recover to return with a self-preservation mindset which entails to care less. Or they never return and simply leave the profession all together.

The Truth About Not Working in the Care Industry.

After not teaching for a few months and working a job that is not in the care industry, I can tell you first hand the sacrifice educators make everyday. It is not even about actual job description. I am talking about the emotional load that comes with being in the care industry.

The lightness I feel today, after months of not teaching. It is amazing. I never took work home as a teacher. Or so I thought. Everyday I came home emptied of all my caring capacity. I spent so much energy trying to connect and care for my students that everyday I came home to my kids, my significant other, the athletes I coach with a lack of ability to care as I should.

Today after a few months away, I found that my caring capacity is back full fledge and I can finally use it on what matters most to me, those that I love. I can finally be the mom and life partner I always knew I could be. I have mental space to go for a coffee with a friend who is struggling and really be present and attempt to be helpful. My life today 3 months post teaching is full of life, smiles and happiness because I finally have enough caring energy available for what matters most.

I can feel the distinctive difference before and after leaving the care industry. It was important for me to share this while it is fresh. I know too well that within the next few years I am likely to forget just how much my teaching job sucked the life out of me because I cared too much.

What Can You Do to Help Offset the Personal Cost Of Caring?

What do the workers in these industries need if we want to keep the most caring? They need caring to be included as part of the job task. Caring needs to be a priority. If we manage to prioritize this as a society we may be able to get some of our best most caring educators back into the classroom. But until then, don’t expect people to fight to go into these industries. These industries that set their workers up for failure by not considering the true impact and cost of caring.

So if you know a doctor, a nurse, educator, or teacher please show them some grace when they are not at their best. Remember that they also have a life outside of work and that any form of caring that they provide is above and beyond their true job description. Know that those little extra attentions come at a very high personal cost to them and their loved ones and that they do it because they care, not because they have to.